Well, its been just about 3 weeks since i moved, or there abouts, and now – its beginning to get tough.

 

This new life buisness, just ain’t easy.

 

First of all, I’ve finally shrugged off the shadow of doubt hanging over me from northampton college (after taking over the tertiary, if you read my blog over at http://the_shadowscythe.bravejournal.com ) and I’ve discovered, that i completed my ICT course, but failed it, what i don’t get, is the fact it took two whole years for the absolutely stupid bint of a secretary to get things sorted, and why there are others from my year and the year before, STILL in her shadow from this, i mean seriously, what kind of stupid freaking bint, still has grades of students, who did not know if they passed or failed thier courses, TWO YEARS AFTER, despite multiple warnings and pushes! It boggles the freaking mind! . . . but now I’m in the clear – its glad to know at last, but it has set up a whole slew of now, last minute problems.

 

If i ever get my way, that stupid bint of a secretary is being put down to rest with a shotgun salute . . . but until my plans of future world conquest come to fruition . . . lets get back to the subject shall we?

 

Right, because of that before mentioned, failure – i cannot take the course i wanted to take here in my new location, it complemented me, and what i want to do, right down to a tee, seriously, you could not have found a more perfect course for me, and my skills which need a vast amount of expansion, but . . . because of the fact I do not have the UCAS points i need to begin said course, I simply cannot take it right now (which is as far as im concerned, utter bull-shit).

 

If i had an ealier birthday, i could have taken it as a mature student (aged 21) but, I do not, and as a result, I have a choice, I can –

 

Either work for a year, build up my cash reserve, and get things into a slow order, but not be learning anything at all unless its by my own, un-guided hand.

 

Take up a different course, at a lower level – which wont really matter much at all because I hit 21 next march, and therefore the grade is not needed.

 

So i have a catch 22 on my second choice, and the first choice I don’t really want to choose – so i figure im going to go for the second choice, and see where that takes me, because things are all change around here now, and I need some form of learning, and the monies gained from grants, otherwise, I wont be able to move out of here, and so – not achieve the true freedom I have been after for so long.

 

And now, onto the subject of people . . .

 

I have periodic contact with people at work now, being a recycling operative (I AM RE-CY-CLOR! NOM!NOM!NOM!NOM!NOM! GRAAAAAAAARW! I WILL RE-CY-CLE YOUR HOUSEHOLD WASTE!) **cough** sorry . . . now im a recycle guy, the crews im with, the loaders and drivers, change daily, its tough to know anyone and even remember names, let alone make new friends. On top of that, i have periodic contact with my father around his hours of work, and his girlfriend who has kids most of the day in the house, and so its just tough to have a proper conversation. The result of this is me feeling, somewhat alone, stranded almost, in a strange place, with very little to relate to, and few people to talk to, and while i have my PC in front of me here, I’m keeping people updated of my doings via blogging, but so far – only one person has made any effort at all to contact me, after my blog posts, and for that – i say thank you Jacqui, thank you for being the only person from daventry to contact me after the move, thankies for showing the interest

 

As for everyone else, i was expecting to be somewhat swamped with people saying goodbye, and i was, i had a fantastic final week thanks to everyone, i leave, and then – after that, no one has contacted me, Not Kd, not Alex, not Mush, not Scott, Gib, or Kez, Nick has been floating around, but he seems interested in WoW and WoW alone (World of Warcraft) and something called “Trogdor” as for the extentions of those friends, Arron, Jane, Mickey, Beaumont, Emily, Shane – i mean, i disappear, i may not have been returning until a month, maybe two, maybe never, i dont know – and so far I’ve sent off dribbles of contact and had no replies, and right now, i could use them.

 

Even my dreams seemed to be focused on the old places, the people, the activities, all of which – I have none of now, and it is getting to me, because something else happened as well.

 

I am now, single.

 

I said before I wouldn’t say why because of privacy, but it was Heathers mistake, and when i confronted her about it, she lied to me, i had to go over her head and tell her parents, she lied to them, and they believed her, not me. I cannot deal with lies, not now, or ever, after the events of the bastard known simply as “J” I cannot tolerate them, the fact she lied, overlooked the consequences of her mistake, leading from us simply having a quible, to loosing me, all the way up to her disapearance, me and her parents on TV making an appeal for her, or eventually finding a corpse in a ditch identified soley by DNA or dental records – thats the measure of the mistake she made, or at least, what could have happened, and after she lied to me, denied it, and then to her parents, I had enough, enough of the lieing, and the massive naivity behind it, and called the whole thing off, as a result, we are apart, and I am, once again single.

 

As you can see, I am having a shit time, with the problems for my course, and so many new words that I have never heard before, so many new concepts I don’t understand, and people cannot understand, that I dont understand, I have attempted to explain it – be prepared for really bad metaphor time –

 

Imagine for a second, that everyone on the planet, knows how to ride a bycycle, and that they know how to ride them, repair them, fancy them up, everything, in and out, and they never talk about it, never asked, never told, and you do not know.

 

Now, one day, you get up, do your daily rituals, go outside, and behold, every other member of the human race is out there, on thier bycycles, and you are not, the concept is alien to you, what are these things? what are they doing? Where did you get them from? What is it called? I don’t understand!

 

Welcome boys and girls, to what it feels like to be me at the moment, now whack in all the previous problems, a slight tinge of depression thats building, and then, take that creative side of your brain into overdrive, and then watch as most of the human race, and society at large, attempts to squelch that out from you, and turn you into a number yet again.

 

Gah, I shouldn’t be thinking like this, i need to get into my course and begin allready, otherwise I’m not sure how this venture of mine is really going to work out.

 

All i sure as hell know is, I’m out of daventry now – I’m not going back that easily.

 

Oh yeah – Futurama quote time –

 

“Fleh! This shows been going downhill since season three!”

 

Fry – On Hypnotoad

 

HYPNOTOAD!

Im really sorry2hear that things are going so badly for u. Unfortunately life has a nasty habit of doing that to us.
The whole uni thing majorly sucks. At least u can go next year, I know it seems like forever now but it will go faster than u think. In the mean time, maybe you can get really into a different course...at least it will be something to do and get stuck into.
Its a real shame you aren't really making friends through work, but at least it is bringing in some money for you. And maybe soon you will start to see some people regularly and make some friends, you never know after all.
It must be hard that people haven't been in touch from home, all I can say is is that I'm sure that people have good reasons. They may be busy and just don't have chance. I know Kd mentioned that she is nearly permanently at work, and Alex has no credit. I'm sure that they miss you, they just haven't been able to contact you.
We all feel a bit out of place in new environments and situations. Things will get easier as you get used to them.
I am most sorry 2 hear of what has happened with Heather, but as you said you can't tolerate the lies. And it's a pretty big thing to lie about. The corny line "there's plenty more fish in the sea" springs to mind. The perfect lady will be out there for you.
I guess it's a case of try n keep going, and that things will get better with some time. There are people there for you who care a lot, me being one of them. Anything I can do to help I will do. Sorry I cannot be actually there to give proper hugs, so just *hugs* will have to do for now. Take care hun, it will be ok in the end xxxx

Dude... you are no longer in Daventry. It is a fact that no one has ever accomplished anything in Daventry, it's only after they left that they did something. So do something! I know it's easy to feel quite down about crap in life, I know because I am susceptible to it myself. However look at the bright side, you're in a new place, you can meet new people, you can do new things, try new stuff, become a new person if you wanted. I know alot of shit has happened, but I'm sure you can draw out some very positive things from it. Please ignore this if it is far to perky. x